Conversation starter 101
Life gets heavy sometimes, but no man should have to go it alone. Too many of us try to push through the tough times on our own, but sometimes a short and honest chat with a trusted mate can be a powerful antidote to make life feel lighter again. A simple conversation can make all the difference: whether it’s over a coffee, a game of footy, a PS5 console, or however you and your mates connect.
This resource will give you some tips on how to have chats that could have powerful outcomes for you and your mates. It shouldn’t be too thought out, keeping it casual is always best, but these conversation starters are here to inspire you when you meet your mates.
1. Reconnect and reminisce
If it’s been a while since you saw a mate, starting a chat with common ground helps start conversations off with great vibes as you reminisce about the good times or shared interests.
Short and friendly icebreakers over text, DM, or in-person can be all you need to get the ball rolling. Try these:
- Last time we caught up we were both [at X or doing Y]. I am now [ABC]. What are you up to these days?
- Are you still [working at X, living in Y, training for Z]?
- Still in touch with the old crew? I bumped into [Name] and thought of you.
- That time we [short memory] still cracks me up.
- Saw you pop up on [Social Media, an old video]. Free for a quick coffee or walk next week?
- Quick one, I am in your area on [day], would [15 to 30] minutes for a catch up work?
- How is [partner, parent, child, pet, close friend]?
- I saw [favourite sports team] win/get smashed on the weekend. Want to catch up and watch the next game?
You don’t need to follow these word-for-word. After all, you know your mates best. Think about the interests, or hobbies you share, and go from there. Often you just need an “in”, then the conversation will flow, and you can get to the important stuff.
2. Make it easy to meet in person
If you’ve reached out over text or online, it can sometimes feel like a bit of a big lift to find and organise a time to catch up in person: we’re all busy. That being said, most solid chats are better when you have that face-to-face connection.
Start with a simple plan and location that feels low-effort and stress-free. Consider offering clear times and low effort options, like:
- Grabbing a coffee near [landmark] on [day] morning at [time].
- Catching up for a quick round of golf at [time].
You might find your mates can be a bit hesitant to meet up if it’s been a while, and that’s fine. Offer a couple choices and give them plenty of time to decide when’s best for them.
3. Show your human side
Being first to show your human side builds trust and gives permission for a more honest chat.
When more of us reach out, show vulnerabilities, more men can find their own feet earlier. For example, it’s not a bad thing to be open to the fact that you’re involved in and supporting the Meet a Mate campaign, sharing why you got involved, while inviting your mates to chat through life’s challenges.
Here are some openers that can invite a real conversation:
- I’m working through a few things at the moment. Can I bounce something off you?
- Quick one, could I get your two cents on a problem I’m having?
- Blast from the past, I know. Can I borrow your ears for two minutes about something on my mind?
- When we worked together you were always great at seeing the big picture. Can you help me think through something?
When you open up, your mate will likely share his own experiences and any troubles he wants to talk over.
4. Ask and listen
If your mate starts opening up to you, show him you’re a safe pair of ears by keeping questions open, and your answers short. Listening builds trust much faster than advice.
‘How are you going on a scale of one to ten’ is a great question to ask to get a conversation started, you can then follow up with the likes of:
- That makes sense, tell me more about [part they just mentioned].
- What do you plan to do about [X]?
- What would a small first step look like?
- Let me know if I can help you with [X]
Remember: you’re not there to provide your mate with solutions or fix his problems. The reason we need to meet our mates and chat through the tough times is because a problem shared can be a problem halved: conversations and connection can make a huge difference to blokes’ lives, and trust us - you’ll both feel great after your meet up.
5. Share your experience with Meet A Mate
If you’re up for it, share a selfie of your catch-up on social with #MeetAMate tagging @MentoringMenAus and @TheManWalk and log it on your Meet a Mate page. Not only are chats great ways to reach your goals, but you might just encourage other men to get involved too.
To sign up to the Meet A Mate challenge, follow this link: meetamate.org.au
If you’re keen to learn more about Mentoring Men, become a mentor, or apply to get one, visit our get a mentor page.